actually, I'm a sock model
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this beer tastes like vomit already
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
