And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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