I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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