I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
