i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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