drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
