So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
