i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
