I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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