The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize