It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
