fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
