Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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