so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
