I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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