Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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