Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
