Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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