I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
