In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
