My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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