So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
