Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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