Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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