i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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