We got so high we made milksteak
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize