this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
