last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
