Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
