wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
