Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
