Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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