Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
