Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
