woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
