You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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