Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He passed out mid-signature
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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