if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
