you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
