so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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