I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
