why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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