5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
