halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
