please come you make the beer taste better
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
