i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
