lets start a swedish sibling band together
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
