i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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