how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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