How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
