I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
