i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
