Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
