piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
