I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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