I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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