I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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