i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize