We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The air was thick with penises
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
