He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
