I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
